Make a Popular Web Tool in 23 Easy Steps

    Creating a great webtool that you want to share with the world is easy. Just follow these simple steps for success.

  1. Create cool web tool that you want to share with the world for free.
  2. Decide to lightly monetize to help pay for server costs.
  3. Pick domain with maximum SEO value, .io preferred
  4. Build scaleable website with fully responsive design. Spend hours deciding which build system to use.
  5. Implement A/B testing to compare navigation systems and sidebar placement. Conclude with the perfect shade of blue.
  6. Add 3rd party analytics system for behavior tracking. Design perfect schema for all possible current and future user events.
  7. Compare three advertising networks for monetization. Give up and just use Google.
  8. Not enough traffic to pay for tracking systems. Raise seed round.
  9. Create accounts on Twitter, Instagram, Snapchat, and a Facebook Group. Get into argument over whether Google Plus is worth it anymore. Make subreddit.
  10. Create social media posting calendar with ideal schedule for maximum user acquisition. Hire marketing team to implement the calendar.
  11. Build blog and content marketing plan. Use Google Trends to determine the best keywords for traffic optimization.
  12. Calculate ideal time for launch post on HackerNews and ProductHunt. Find three other CamelCased websites to launch your project.
  13. Two weeks before launch recruit everyone you've ever met or tweeted into a voting ring. Sign up for Thunderclap account to extend social reach and coordinate posting for optimal exposure.
  14. Create newsletter. Schedule email campaign with ideal subject line to maximize open rate. Extra emojis help.
  15. Launch day. Synchronize posting across all media accounts and submit ideal Show HN post.
  16. Zero hits.
  17. Launch crowdfunding campaign to raise money for buying retargeting ads across multiple audience cohorts and geo-spatial-regions. Increase emoji use.
  18. User acquisition still low. Conversion Goals still unmet. Add three new tracking systems to compare traffic channels with funnel visualization.
  19. Syndicate branded pre-built content stream to fill social media content plan. More emojis.
  20. Reduce burn rate. Fire marketing team. Liquidate corporation. Seed investors file lawsuit.
  21. Sell house. Declare bankruptcy.
  22. Wait six months.
  23. Create cool web tool you want to share with the world.
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Posted February 14th, 2018

Tagged: rant