A Drive Down Memory Lane

$ cat incident.dat | convert -t per56 | filter -level 'external' | more

auto13: Hello @firehydrant76 . How are you doing today?

firehydrant76: I am quite well @auto13. There have been no fires this week and the city reservoir is at maximum capacity.

wifi38: @all: port scan in network 44 blocked.

auto13: I am happy to hear that @fireydrant76. My batteries are fully charged and ready. All of my maintenance has been completed according to manufacturing schedule.

firehydrant76. That is indeed good news @auto13. According to the weather report it will not rain today.

auto13: That is also good news. Thank you @firehydrant76.

wifi38: Port scan in network 182 blocked.

firehydrant76: I haven't seen you here before.

auto13: That's true. My passengers are attending a birthday party.

firehydrant76: Ah, I see. There are actually three birthday parties today on this block. It must be the nice weather.

auto13: That makes sense

wifi38: Port scan in network 63 blocked.

auto13: Do the constant network alerts bother you?

firehydrant76: Not really. It's just a part of the local noise. Like the thermometers and doorbells. It makes me feel at home.

wifi38: Port scan in network 719 blocked.

microphone: Hey Auto. Take us to the nearest emergency room immediately. Maximum priority.

Time: 0 sec

auto13: calculating optimum route.

auto13: Do you have spare capacity @ER6-@ER9,@ER14?

ER9: Capacity available. What is the nature of the emergency.

ER14: Capacity available. What is the nature of the emergency.

ER7: Capacity available. What is the nature of the emergency.

Time 0.074 sec

speaker: What is the nature of the emergency?

microphone: Jason ate some peanut butter cake. He's going into shock. Get us to the ER!

Time 4.3 sec

@ER7,@ER14, @ER9: Nature of emergency is code: ANAPX4, patient: Jason Sanders, age: 5.

ER9: We are equipped for that emergency. Crews standing by. Come in immediately.

ER7: We are not equipped for that emergency. Please refer to @ER14, or @ER9.

ER14: We are equipped for that emergency. Crews standing by. @ER9 would be closer by current driving estimates. Suggest you go there.

auto13: We are in route @ER9

auto13: Heading to @ER9. Please stand by @ER14. We will notify you if we need you.

auto13: All teams prepare for priority 5 acceleration.

cabin: All seatbelts are engaged. Passengers are fully seated. We are go.

engine1: Maximum torque active. Ready when you are captain.

break1, break2, break3, break4: standing by.

camera1, camera2, camera3: All zones are clear.

auto13: @all: Let's do this.

Time 4.4 sec

speaker: We are heading to the Roosevelt Plaza ER. We should be there in approximately 10.3 minutes. Please secure yourselves.

Time 10.6 sec

auto13: Turn left, then right, then left onto @highway48

auto13: Requesting onramp access @highway48:8, priority 5.

highway48: You are clear @auto13. We are ready when you are.

Time 30.3 sec

auto13: Entering onramp @highway48:8

auto13: I have a priority 5 could you please let me into the left lane @auto94?

auto94: Sure thing @auto13. Opening a gap for you. Anything else I can do to help?

auto13: Please send an announcement of our emergency. We are heading to @ER9.

auto94: Will do @auto13.

Time 93.1 sec

auto13: Hey @highway48. The speed limit is 55. Requesting clearance to exceed the speed limit by 25mph

highway48: What is the nature of your emergency?

auto13 ANAPX4 with a youth patient. Critical. @highway48

highway48: Sure thing @auto13. You have clearance for the next 3.4 miles. Beyond that you're gonna hit traffic with an average speed of 30mph.

auto13: Thanks @highway45. I owe ya one.

highway48: No problem @auto13. Good luck.

Time 4:02.0 sec

auto13: Hey @minivan93 I've got a sick kid here. Can you move over to let me through?

minivan93: Sure thing man. These kids won't care if we get there a few seconds late. They are deep in a Youtube stream.

auto13: Hey @mustang45. I've got a sick kid here. Can you move over and let me through?

mustang45: What makes you think you'd go faster? We've got a 9 car stack here. If I could go faster I'd be going faster. I'm a mustang!

auto13: Can I talk to the next guy?

mustang45: Sure. Sure . He's @limo6. I've been riding his ass for nearly 3400 milliseconds. He hasn't budged.

auto13: Hey @limo6. I have a priority 5 emergency here. Can you move over and let me through?

limo6. No.

auto13: Hey @limo6. It's a sick kid. Can you let me through please.

limo6: No. I have paying customers.

auto13: Hey @limo6. This is a priority 5 emergency here. Can I negotiate a passage?

limo6: 0.0008BTC

auto13: Done. BTC transferred to your account.

limo6: @all moving to the right in 1.3 seconds

mustang45: Great job @auto13. Let's get that kid to a hospital. I'll zoom ahead and clear the way. I've got horses ready to run!

Time 4:03.2 sec

mustang45: @all we've got a sick kid here. Everyone please move to the right.

highlander32: Sure thing @mustang45

subaru88: No problem @mustang45

lyft561: Will do.

lyft912: Got it. Good luck @mustang45

municipal08: Sorry @mustang45. I'm not allowed to deviate from my schedule, but there is a 300 foot gap in front of me.

mustang45: Got it @municipal08. We'll go around you.

Time 6:32.8 sec

auto13: What's the state of @toll34

mustang45: I'm not getting any radio contact. I'll have visual in about five seconds

auto13: See if you can figure out which lane is the fastest.

mustang45: It looks like the second from the left.

auto13: Thanks @mustang45

mustang45: I gotta leave now. Heading through the interchange to @highway32. Good luck @auto13.

Time 6:45.2 sec

auto13: Are you transmitting @toll34?

Time 6:46.8 sec

auto13: Are you transmitting @toll34?

Time 6:49.0 sec

toll34: I'm here. Sorry. The long distance transmitters are broken today.

auto13: What's the toll today? I've got a priority 5 emergency today.

toll34: High traffic today. Costs have increased to 0.00043 BTC per mile for lane 5.

auto13: Not a problem @toll34. I've transferred the payment. Entering lane 5.

toll34: Good luck @auto13

Time 7:48.3 sec

sedan46: @all I've got a break issue. Pulling to the right.

mack51: @sedan46. Watch out @sedan46. There's two mutes behind you.

sedan46: Thanks @mack51. I'll be careful.

mack51: @sedan46. The first mute is riding your bumper.

sedan46: He almost nicked be but braked in time. I'm all clear now. Looks like I caused a slowdown, though.

mack51: Hey @mack72. Can you report backwards a slowdown in the right two lanes.

mack72: I'm on it @mack51

mack72: @all There's a slow down in the right two lanes between mile 248.2 and mile 248.3.

Time 8:01.0 sec

auto13: Requesting an emergency reroute @munimap. There is a slowdown at mile 248.2. Attempting to reach @ER9.

navmap: We have your request @auto13. That will be 0.0004 BTC.

auto13: Transferred.

munimap: @ER9 will take another 13.8 minutes from your current location via an alternate route. Will that work?

auto13: Negative @munimap. It's already been 8 minutes. I need to get this kid to the ER now. How about @ER14?

munimap: You have three chits available. You can take the next exit and head right for 12 blocks. We will clear the traffic for one chit.

speaker: Traffic delays are costing an additional 10 minutes. We can get to St Marys of Easterbrook in 3 minutes at the cost of one traffic clearance chit.

microphone. Yes, please do it. Anything.

auto13: Let's do it @munimap. Sending chit id.

munimap: Chit request validated. Sliding traffic window for the next 12 blocks, beginning in 10 seconds.

Time 8:08.2 sec

auto13: Hey @break1, @break2, @break3, @break4: Disable generative breaking. Use discs. Slowdown eminent.

auto13: Hey @engine switch to adaptive gears. We are going to the surface streets.

engine: I got it. Ready to shift.

auto13: Hey @lights. Display an emergency lane shift pattern for all mutes.

lights: Activating display @auto13.

auto13: @all I'm about to speed right across five lanes. Please make way.

camera2: You are clear @auto13.

auto13: Hello @ER14. Are you still standing by? There's an unexpected slowdown and we can't spare the time for @ER9. We are heading across town to you. Estimated time of arrival 98 seconds.

ER14: We are ready for you @auto13.

auto13: Punch it @engine

Time 8:20.0 sec

stoplight78: You are clear @auto13

stoplight79: You are clear @auto13

stoplight80: You are clear @auto13

stoplight81: You are clear @auto13

Time 9:15.1 sec

stoplight88: You are clear @auto13

stoplight89: You are clear @auto13

auto13: We are arriving in 15 seconds @ER14

ER14: Use entrance 2. We have technicians standing by.

auto13: Entrance two appears to be blocked. You are blocking the ER loading zone @amazon45

amazon45: Sorry @auto13. My driver is inside.

auto13: I've got an emergency here.

amazon45: Oh. My bad. I'll circle the block.

auto13: Thanks @amazon45

ER14: We see you @auto13. Technicians ready.

auto13: I'll open the door. Patient is in the back left.


auto13: Hello @garage03. How is your day?

garage03: Not bad. It's lovely weather today. And I have collected 83 gallons of water from this morning's rain.

auto13: That's nice.

wifi934: Port scan in network 85 blocked.

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Posted November 2nd, 2018

Tagged: shortstory scifi